The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
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