Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
