Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Randomize
