I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
He passed out mid-signature
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
