Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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