I cannot find my penis.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
