i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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