I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Boobs are out for the taking
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
