You work out of a Hotel?
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
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