I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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