so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I wear drunk well.
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