I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
