Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize