Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
