I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
i've created a new STD.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
