Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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