I am spending my child support on dildos
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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