I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
