as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
