I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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