Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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