He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
