dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
