It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
