Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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