I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
