OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
