phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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