i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
