She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
