successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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