I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
this boner is exhausting
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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