Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Holy shit dude........stairs
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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