i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
