we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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