i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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