i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
