Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Randomize