it was like his penis was on wheels.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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