The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
