i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
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