i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
