why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
