I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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