I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I need to calm my uterus...
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
