I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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