i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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