You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
