Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
