Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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