You work out of a Hotel?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
