genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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