The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
