she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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