Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
