R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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