y did u give ur computer a hand job?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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