I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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