my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
