Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
