idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
