Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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