mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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