so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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