I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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