Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
