OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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