i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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