After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize