Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
