I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
