At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
