What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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