i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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